What to Expect in a Survivor’s Recovery and How to Help

Supporting a survivor through their recovery from sexual assault can feel scary, uncertain, or daunting. Though no two journeys are identical, there are general stages of recovery that caregivers should be aware of. 

As you spend time learning about each one, keep in mind that recovery is rarely a linear process. A survivor who is in the third stage of recovery may go back to stage one or two in response to a life event, memory, or uncovered emotion. 

Also remember that when supporting a survivor in this process, be sure to demonstrate patience, center a survivor’s recovery around their own needs (not your own), and show up with love, even when it’s hard.

Stage One: Initial Shock. Immediately following the trauma, your child may exhibit signs of both physical and emotional shock. Both types of shock can present in different ways. Your child may be highly emotional and expressive, or they may be withdrawn, confused, or lethargic. 

How to Help: However shock manifests in your child, be patient with them. Allow them to share what and when they are comfortable sharing. Use A.B.L.L.E.™ phrases when talking with your child about the assault.

Stage Two: Denial. In this stage, your child may minimize their experience or attempt to go on with their normal routine. Though attempts to suppress or ignore an assault are rarely successful, know that this is a normal stage of the recovery process. 

How to Help: Again, be patient with your child. Do not force them to discuss the assault or put pressure on them to make certain decisions. Remember that your child must be in control of their recovery process. Their power was stripped from them in the assault; their recovery is about getting it back.

Stage Three: Awareness. Following a period of denial, your child may soon become intensely aware of what happened to them. They may re-experience or re-live the assault when triggered by certain sounds, sensations, or memories. Symptoms of this stage include flashbacks, depression and anxiety, nightmares, and an increased discomfort being vulnerable. 

How to Help: During this stage, engage trauma-informed experts – especially a counselor with experience and training in working with sexual assault survivors – to support your child, you, and your family. Remind your child that you love them and that they are not alone. Things are hard right now and you will get through them together.

Stage Four: Anger. It is normal for your child to experience and demonstrate feelings of anger as a result of the assault and the aftermath. The anger may be directed to you as a parent, the survivor’s friends or significant others, the legal system, law enforcement, or the institution where the assault occurred.

How to Help: Create space for your child to feel their emotions, anger included, and cultivate an environment where your child knows they can fully express themselves. Engage the support and guidance of your child’s counselor to help to redirect their anger in productive ways.

Stage Five: Integration. In this stage, the highs and lows of the previous stages will start to even out. With the proper support and trauma-informed expertise, your child in this stage is able to start to orient the assault into the broader context of their life. At times, memories or emotions from the assault will return to the surface and with the proper attention will return once again to their place.

How to Help: Continue to envelop your child in love and support. Be patient when difficult memories or emotions arise. Remember that your child is not choosing for them to present themselves. That emotions are resurfacing is indicative that your child is making progress in their road to recovery.